IMing with random people
by dsmldejection
Summary: Okay, this is a real convo between a friend and me. I added the Cullens and a few others. Basically, making fun of myself. Very funny, in my opinion. Some language. I don't own.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **

**me- dmslxdejection**

**friend- socialxhazard**

**bella- notaklutz**

**emmett- yesuR**

**edward- masochisticlion**

**jasper- empath01**

**alice- inoyurfuture**

**jacob- packleader**

**mike- retrieverman**

_**socialxhazard has logged on (10:29 PM)**_

_**dsmlxdejection has logged on (10:29 PM)**_

**socialxhazard**: hey

**dsmlxdejection**: hi, wassup?

**socialxhazard**: nm, trying 2 work on this fanfic

**dsmlxdejection**: any way i could help?

**socialxhazard**: crap

**dsmlxdejection**: what is it??

**socialxhazard**: i have 2 get up super super early 2morrow

**dsmlxdejection**: jesus christ its only 10:30 anyway! ur not implying u should go 2 sleep NOW r u??

**dsmlxdejection**: cringes

**socialxhazard**: NOOO i wouldnt leave nowww...im trying to imply that i need inspiration to riteD

**dsmlxdejection**: o ok whew

**dsmlxdejection**: lol

_**inoyurfuture has logged on (10:45 PM)**_

_**masochisticlion has logged on (10:46 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**: umm how do i inspire u??

_**packleader has logged on (10: 47 PM)**_

**packleader: **bella?

**masochisticlion:** mutt

**packleader: **leech

_**packleader has logged off (10:49 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**: idk how

**dsmlxdejection**: teehee

**masochisticlion**: what?? ok alice r u ther?

**inoyurfuture**: unfortunately, yes

**masochisticlion**: ive heard enough, u?

**inoyurfurute**: baseball?

**masochisticlion**: anything but this

_**masochisticlion has logged off (10:57 PM)**_

_**inoyurfuture has logged off (10:57 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**: umm, ok wtf?? nvm

**dsmlxdejection**: what wer u saying? o yeah, how am i supposed to inspire u?

**socialxhazard**: tell me what u expect 2 see in this story

**dsmlxdejection**: umm...

**dsmlxdejection**: drama

**dsmlxdejection**: and sometimes humor

**dsmlxdejection**: and...

**dsmlxdejection**: umm...

**dsmlxdejection**: yeah. thats all i got

_**notaklutz has logged on (11:08 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**:

**socialxhazard**: kk...im thinking about actually sending edward 2 bellas room in the middle of the night 2 apologize

**notaklutz**: wait, what? apologize 4 what? who r u people?! edward help!

**dsmlxdejection**: oo

**dsmlxdejection**: aiight who the heck is that? get out of r convo, twi-freak-wannabe!!

**socialxhazard**: lol but they r gonna fuck shit up

**socialxhazard**: ya know they will

**notaklutz**: wait... what?? IM LOST! screw this, im goin 2 find edward

_**notaklutz has logged off (11:16 PM)**_

**MEANWHILE, IN A SEPARATE CONVERSATION...**

_**notaklutx has logged on (11:30 PM)**_

_**masochisticlion has logged on (11:31 PM)**_

_**yesuR has logged on (11:31 PM)**_

**notaklutz: **edward, u will nvr believe what i just walked into

**masochisticlion: **oh no, not u 2 right?

**masochisticlion: **can i take a guess?

**yesuR: **what? fill me in!

**masochisticlion: **in a sec, em

**yesuR: **huff waits

**notaklutz: **sure

**masichisticlion: **these 2 freaks whos s/ns are dsmlxdejection and socialxhazard

**notaklutz: **so you went in 2?

**masochisticlion: **unfortunately

**yesuR: **??

_**packleader has logged on (11:45 PM)**_

**notaklutz: **tomorrow, emmett

**notaklutz: **wait, whats with the s/n??

**yesuR: **urs is notaklutz and mine is yesuR. rotfl

**notaklutz: **ugh rolls eyes

**masochisticlion: **emmett, get off the floor. wait. stay there. forget u.

**masochisticlion: **im coming over ther, bella

**packleader: **no, leech! bella!

**notaklutz: **ok c u in a few

_**masochisticlion has logged off (11:54 PM)**_

_**notaklutz has logged off (11:55 PM)**_

**packleader: **dammit!

_**packleader has logged off (11: 59 PM)**_

**yesuR: **awwe, man!

_**yesuR has logged off (12:01 AM)**_

**BACK IN THE ORIGINAL CHAT...**

**dsmlxdejection**: but yea good

**socialxhazard**: not till next friday in the story tho

**dsmlxdejection**: ok

**dsmlxdejection**: lol

**socialxhazard**: oo now i want to rite again lol

**dsmlxdejection**: yay!

**dsmlxdejection**: it worked!

**socialxhazard**: lol

**dsmlxdejection**: i rock

**dsmlxdejection**: gay dance

**socialxhazard**: yeah

**socialxhazard**: lol

_**yesuR has logged on (12:12 AM)**_

_**empath01 has logged on (12:13 AM)**_

**empath01**: emmett, is that you?

**yesuR**: yeah...

**empath01**: what's with the s/n?

**yesuR: **wait 'til bella comes back on and ill tell u

**yesuR: **wait, what chat room r we in??

**dsmlxdejection**: play we are the champions!

**dsmlxdejection**: brb ima put it on

**socialxhazard**: LOL

**dsmlxdejection**: seriously though

**dsmlxdejection**: brb

**socialxhazard**: LOL

**EMMETT AT HOME: "OO, I LOVE THAT SONG!" JASPER CAN BE HEARD FROM HIS ROOM LAUGHING IN THE FETAL POSITION. EMMETT SCOWLS AND TURNS BACK TO THE COMPUTER**

**dsmlxdejection**: ok done

**dsmlxdejection**: --but commited no crime

**dsmlxdejection**: and bad mistakes

**socialxhazard**: lol

**dsmlxdejection**: ive made a few

**dsmlxdejection:** ive had my share of sand kicked in my face

**dsmlxdejection: **but ive come through

**dsmlxdejection: **we are the champions!

**dsmlxdejection: **my friend

**dsmlxdejection**: ok done now

**socialxhazard**: lol

**THE CULLEN HOME: PEOPLE NOW GATHER BY THE TWO COMPUTERS TO WITNESS THE INSANITY. **

**BELLAS HOUSE: "NOBODY'S ON! JEEZ WHERE'S COMPANY WHEN YOU NEED THEM??"**

**BACK AT THE CULLEN HOUSE: SIBLINGS HAVE GONE BACK TO THEIR RESPECTIVE COMPUTERS TO WATCH, TRYING TO CONTAIN THEIR LAUGHTER.**

**BACK TO THE INSTANT MESSENGER... **

**dsmlxdejection**: no time for losers

_**notaklutz has logged on (12:39 AM)**_

_**inoyurfuture has logged on (12:40 AM)**_

_**masochisticlion has logged on (12:41AM)**_

**notaklutz: **hi

**yesuR: **hey, guys

**masochisticlion**: hello love, family

**empath01: **rotflmfao hi!! i get emmetts s/n!! rotflmfao

**inoyurfuture: **jazzy, calm down its not that funny

**notaklutz: **pouts thank u, alice

**AUDIO COMES ON AND VAMPIRES ( and bella) THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE CLUTCH THEIR EARS. **

**WITH DSMLXDEJECTION: STANDING ON THE COMPUTER CHAIR WITH BRUSH IN HAND, PAUSING TO PLAY AIR GUITAR ON IT AND THEN SITTING DOWN AGAIN TO CONTINUE TYPING.**

**dsmlxdejection**: cuz we are the champions

**dsmlxdejection**: of the world

**dsmlxdejection**: yeah!

**socialxhazard**: lol

**dsmlxdejection**: ive taken my bows

_**retrieverman has logged on (1:02 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**: and my curtain calls

**dsmlxdejection**: youve brought me fame and fortune and everything that goes with it

**dsmlxdejection**: i thank you all

_**retrieverman has logged off (1:05 AM)**_

**masochisticlion: **o

**notaklutz: **o

**yesuR: **o

**empath01: **o

**inoyurfuture: **o

**dsmlxdejection**: its been no bed of roses

**dsmlxdejection**: no pleasure cruise

_**inoyurfuture has logged off (1:07 AM)**_

_**empath01 has logged off (1:08 AM)**_

_**masochisticlion has logged off (1:08 AM)**_

_**notaklutz has logged off (1:09 AM)**_

_**yesuR has logged off (1:10 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection**: shit im wa behind now

**socialxhazard**: lol

**dsmlxdejection**: pouts

**socialxhazard**: its ok lol brb

**dsmlxdejection**: ok

**socialxhazard: **back

**dsmlxdejection: **ok...

**socialxhazard: **briing on the raiiin lol

**socialxhazard: **i love that song

**dsmlxdejection: **ooookaaay, so not random cough cough sarcasm

**socialxhazard: **ok i get it, ur rite, its late, im gettin off

**dsmlxdejection: **ok, i g2g write this one-shot n/e wa

**dsmlxdejection: **nighty night, ttfn

**socialxhazard: **night

_**socialxhazard has logged off (1:15 AM)**_

**dmslxdejection: **eh, screw it, im goin to bed 2

_**dsmlxdejection has logged off (1:30 AM)**_

**_retrieverman has logged on (1:35 AM)_**

**retrieverman: **hello?

**retrieverman: **dang it!

**_retrieverman has logged off (1:38 AM)_**


	2. AN

A/N:

Hey, I'm just gonna let you know why we're all here so I don't bore your brain to mush.

I can't continue this story. It wasn't much of a story in the first place, and it was only meant to be a one-shot anyway. I tried, I really did. But funny isn't something you can force. The first one just came to me when I was singing We Are The Champions, but any other updates would require a storyline and I'm just incapable of writing a funny storyline at the moment, so I'm jsut gonna let it die. I don't think anyonw really read this stupid thing anyway...

So, this is me coming to a close. If you like my writing, check out my other stuff. I've got quite a few stories finished up at the moment. If you like my funny writing, there's Anything For My Bella which is in Esme's POV or Writing At It's Worst, which is basically me ranting about a few things having to do with writing. I think it's funny, but as far as I know, nobody's reading it so, whatever.

Either way, good luck with life... all of you and uh... peace on earth?

-dsmldejection


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Hey guys! Good to hear from me? Anyway, I know months ago, I said there was no way I'd ever be able to continure this story... well, I found a way. So, I was going through my past written files, you know, renaming them and such... and I came across this one... and it was already part way done... all I had to do was add in the Cullen's part in it, and I was done. But at any rate, you got another chapter. I doubt there'll be any more after this, but I may do the same thing later in time. So, enjoy it while you've got it fresh!

As a reminder, just in case your forgot:

**dsmlxdejection: me**

**socialxhazard: friend**

**notaklutz- bella**

**masochisticlion- edward**

**inoyurfuture- alice**

**empath01- jasper**

**yesuR- emmet**

**packleader- jacob**

**retrieverman- mike **

* * *

**_dsmlxdejection has logged on (10:29 PM)_**

**_socialxhazard has logged on (10:29 PM)_**

**dsmlxdejection: **hiya

**socialxhazard: **hey

**socialxhazard: **so what did you think of Breaking Dawn?

**dsmlxdejection: **i missed the sex scene

**dsmlxdejection: **i was actually looking forward to it

**dsmlxdejection: **my disappointment with that was hard to explain to my mother

**socialxhazard: **it was really lame that we didn't get more information on what they did exactly

_**notaklutz has logged on (10:40 PM)**_

_**packleader has logged on (10:40 PM)**_

**notaklutz: **hey jake! wat's up?

**dsmlxdejection: **my friend said she asked if they did oral and everyone yelled at her

**packleader:** uhm... nothin much. hey uh, which chat room did you bring us to??

**notaklutz: **he he, i have no clue. i just clicked one...

**socialxhazard: **XD

_**retrieverman has logged on (10:47 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **lmfao

**retrieverman: **hey bella! how's your weekend goin?

**notaklutz: **uh, hey, mike. fine, urs?

**dsmlxdejection: **i wonder if they did do oral...

**retrieverman: **woah! bella! i didn't know you were into this kinda... stuff...

**notaklutz:** mike! i'm not, it's some weird chat!

**retrieverman: **he, yeah... riiight... anyway, later then -cough-

_**retrieverman has logged off (10:52 PM)**_

**notaklutz: **aw crap, now he's gonna tell everyone i'm into oral sex...

**packleader: **-snickers-

**notaklutz: **JACOB BLACK! STOP THAT!

**packleader:** -snickers- -runs-

_**packleader has logged off (10:59 PM)**_

**socialxhazard: **i would ask. seriously

**dsmlxdejection: **ditto

**dsmlxdejection: **i wonder is steph did actually plan it out...

_**masochisticlion has logged on (11:06 pm)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **who was on top?

**dsmlxdejection: **did they do it missionary or her riding the pony or what?

**masochisticlion: **wait, what? bella, black said you were in here... are you there?

**socialxhazard: **lol 'EDWARD!'

**masochisticlion:** yes?

**dsmlxdejection: **i need specifics!

**masochisticlion: **uhm, did one of you call my name?

**dsmlxdejection: **oh no, sorry, we're probably talking about a different edward -cough- -snicker-

**socialxhazard: **OK, this is how it went

**masochisticlion: **are you sure? what was his last name?

**dsmlxdejection: **Cullen, Edward Cullen... i'm sure you're not him

**dsmlxdejection: **-waits-

**masochisticlion: **actually yes, yes i am...

**dsmlxdejection: '**EDWARD OH GOD EDWARD!'

**masochisti****clion: **uhm, ladies, we'll have to continue this conversation... never. BELLA!

**notaklutz: **yessum?

**masochisticlion: **we shouldn't be here. lets go

**notaklutz:** okie dokie

_**masochisticlion has logged off (11:22 PM)**_

_**notaklutz has logged off (11:22 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **-snickers-

**socialxhazard: **they went swimming naked...and then they mess around in the sand...make their way to the bed he climbs on her and gives it to her...

**dsmlxdejection: **is there licking involved?

_**inoyurfuture has logged on (11:30 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **there has to be licking

**dsmlxdejection: **sexxi vampy

**inoyurfuture: **wait, what?

**dsmlxdejection: **XD

**inoyurfuture: **-gasp- THE SECRET HAS BEEN REVEALED!! -screams- -runs-

_**inoyurfuture has logged off (11:35 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **OK kidding

**socialxhazard: **...except its really slow and beautiful music playing in the background like a movie

**dsmlxdejection: **oh shiznit, that's hot...

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **edward's listening to a bird gettin' some outside

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **monkeys are fucking in the distance

**socialxhazard: **XD WTF?!

**dsmlxdejection: **he's all turned on

**socialxhazard: **LOL!!

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahahahaha

_**yesuR has logged on (11:56 PM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **i couldn't pass it up

**socialxhazard: **LOL then remember when she wakes up and begs him for sex crying??

**yesuR:** woah... -leans closer to the screen-

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **'FUCK ME!'

**dsmlxdejection: **'FUCK ME!'

**socialxhazard: **PITY SEX

**yesuR: **he he...

**dsmlxdejection: **'PLEASE EDWARD' -sobs-

**yesuR: **woah...

**EMMETT AT HOME: -TURNS FROM COMPUTER- "HEY EDWARD! COME HERE AND CHECK THIS CHAT OUT!"**

**socialxhazard: **XD

**EDWARD: "HOLD ON! I'LL LOG ONTO IT!" **

**dsmlxdejection: **'YOU HURT ME'

**dsmlxdejection: **'HOW COULD YOU?'

_**masochisticlion has logged on (12:07 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **'FUCK ME!'

**masochisticlion: **ugh, emmett, i've already made the mistake of coming here. why did you drag me back?

**socialxhazard: **he only did it to shut her up

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **'shut up hoe, climb on up'

**socialxhazard: **bitch is always nagging him

**dsmlxdejection: **damn straight

**yesuR:** shhhhhh... they said your name...

**socialxhazard: **HAHA!!

**masochisticlion: **yes, i know, i've already been here... but that doesn't mean they're talking about me!

**socialxhazard: **he acts like its a chore tho

**dsmlxdejection: **'jesus' -edward

**yesuR:** see! they did it again! -stares, wide eyed-

**dsmlxdejection: **'why the hell are we doing this?' -edward

**dsmlxdejection: **'are you done yet?' -edward

**masochisticlion: **-pinches bridge of nose- yeeeess, emmett. but there's no way they're talking about me! now can i leave?

**dsmlxdejection: **'i want a sandwich' -edward

**dsmlxdejection: **'wait wtf' -bella

**yesuR: **hah! see! how many bella and edward pairs do you think there are in the world??

**masochisticlion: **there could be thousands, emmett

**dsmlxdejection: **'i thought you were a vampire!' -bella

**yesuR: **woooooaaaah...

**dsmlxdejection: **'uhhh' -edward

**dsmlxdejection: **'he he' -edward

**masochisticlion: **all right! that's it! i'm done! emmett cullen, get your ass out of this chat, now!

**dsmlxdejection: **'YOU LIAR' -bella

**dsmlxdejection: **'yeah w.e get me a sandwich' -edward

**socialxhazard: **'GOD DAMMIT WOMEN! IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE I'LL HAVE TO BEAT YOU!!' -edward

**yesuR: **awwe, man! just when it was getting good...

_**yesuR has logged off (12:38 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **'BEAT ME EDWARD!' -bella

**dsmlxdejection: **'BEAT ME ALL HOT AND SEXXY!' -bella

**masochisticlion: **-shutters-

_**masochisticlion has logged off (12:47 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **ugh shit my brother wants a taco

**dsmlxdejection: **brb

**socialxhazard: **LOL well you know when Emmet shouts "go gators"?

**dsmlxdejection: **yeah

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

_**retrieverman has logged on (12:55 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **idk what ur getting to, but i bet its funny

**socialxhazard: **tiffany is a dolphins fan and so she doesn't like the gators so i tease her about that all the time...i'm always yelling "go gators" out of nowhere

**retrieverman: **ooo... tiffany... that's a hot name...

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **i'm a dolphin fan too though

**dsmlxdejection: **-pouts-

**socialxhazard:** lol the dolphins suck..."GO GATORS!!"

**dsmlxdejection: **-le gasp- how could you?

**socialxhazard: **i'm sorry...not sorry i said that but sorry i hurt your feelings lol

**dsmlxdejection: **ok

**dsmlxdejection: **i'll accept

**dsmlxdejection: **BOO GATORS

**retrieverman: **ugh -sigh- all they're talking about is sports... i'm tired anyway...

_**retrieverman has logged off (1:03 AM)**_

**socialxhazard: **kool

**dsmlxdejection: **sry

**dsmlxdejection: **lol

**socialxhazard: **SOOO...uhm...when bella gets preggo I thought that edward would have reacted a little differently

**dsmlxdejection: **like...

**socialxhazard: **I've read all these BAD fanfictions where he freaks out and calls her a cheater...OR is like "YAYYY im gonna be a daddy!!" XD

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **wow

**socialxhazard: **yeah seriously...so he was like 'damn gotta punch a bitch in the stomach'

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahahahahahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **-cough- push her down the stairs -cough cough-

**socialxhazard: **LOL!!

_**packleader has logged on (1:30 AM)**_

**socialxhazard: **OOO and when he begged jake to have sex with her I thought "YESS!!" ...three doesn't have to be a crowd...if ya know what i mean ...LOL

**packleader:** wooooaaaah, i'm done! too weird for me!

_**packleader has logged off (1:32 AM)**_

**socialxhazard: **j/k

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **i'm not

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**socialxhazard: **me either...

**dsmlxdejection: **-wink wink-

**socialxhazard: **D

**dsmlxdejection: **-cough-

_**yesuR has logged on (1:40 AM)**_

**socialxhazard: **LOL

**yesuR: **hah, snuck on... TAKE THAT, EDWARD!! -cackle-

**socialxhazard: **that would have been super funny if charlie recognized all of those sexual inuendos of emmett's and was like "...EW SICKO"

**yesuR: **woooooaaaah...

**dsmlxdejection: **hahaha

**socialxhazard: **"THAT'S MY DAUGHTER FOOL!"

**dsmlxdejection: **-FOO

**yesuR:** heh, mr. t... heh...

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **when rose gets mad, do you picture a black cat with its fur stinking up?

**yesuR: **-gasp!- don't talk about mah woman that way!

**dsmlxdejection: **i picture that

**socialxhazard****: **XD yeah

**dsmlxdejection: **me-ow

**dsmlxdejection: **and the ow is usaully when rose hits emmett

**yesuR: **-rubs back of head- ow...

**dsmlxdejection: **ME "OW!"

**yesuR:** ugh, i'm bored... it was more fun when they were talking about doin' the dirty...

_**yesuR has logged off (2:01 AM)**_

**socialxhazard: **LOL

_**empath01 has logged on (2:06 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **ok so jazz and alice...

**empath01:** -le gasp-

**dsmlxdejection: **they're all quiet right?

**dsmlxdejection: **i can't picture them having sex

**empath01:** -LE GASP!-

**JASPER AT HOME: "ALICE, HONEY, LOG ONTO THAT ONE CHAT EM AND EDWARD ARE TALKING ABOUT! QUICKLY, DEAR!!"**

**dsmlxdejection: **it's freaky

_**inoyurfuture has logged on (2:15 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **i mean, sure emmett and rose, they're like sex whores

**inoyurfuture: **he he, they're talking about emmett and rosalie... -giggles-

**dsmlxdejection: **shit, they'd do a threesome

**empath01: **wait one moment, dear...

**dsmlxdejection: **but jazz and alice...

**socialxhazard: **alice is too small for that

**inoyurfuture:** woah! what the hell! Jasper Hale!

**socialxhazard: **XD

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **and i'm wondering, what if its the opposite of what i'm thinking?

**empath01: **-cringes-

**inoyurfuture:** oh god no... they're not...

**dsmlxdejection: **i picture jazz getting an idea for a move and alice has a orgasm before he even does it

**empath01: **-snickers- told you

**dsmlxdejection: **and he's sitting there afterward going GOD DAMMIT!

**empath01: **-gasp!- -pout- how do they know? you haven't been talking about our problem again, have you alice?

**inoyurfuture:** -snickers- no, dear... i don't know how they know...

**dsmlxdejection: **but what if they're like... idk...

**dsmlxdejection: **fuckin', hittin' each other or somethin'

**empath01: **oh god!

**dsmlxdejection: **'YEAH LIKE THAT'

**dsmlxdejection: **-WHAP-

**dsmlxdejection: **later that day, there's a red mark on his ass

**inoyurfuture: **-snickers- jazzy... you thinkin' what i'm thinkin'?

**empath01: **i'll try to be unpredictable!!

_**inoyurfuture has logged off (2:55 AM)**_

_**empath01 has logged off (2:56 AM)**_

**dsmlxdejection: **damn alice!

**dsmlxdejection: **hahahaha

**dsmlxdejection: **-silence-

**socialxhazard: **hah, sry, my computer lagged

**dsmlxdejection: **eh, np... i've got school tomorrow ne way... i better hit the sack

**socialxhazard: **nite, y'all

**dsmlxdejection: **PEACE!

_**socialxhazard has logged off (3:05 PM)**_

_**dsmlxdejection has logged off (3:05 PM)**_

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed!

-dsmldejection


	4. Chapter 3

**

* * *

**

A/N:

Okay, this may get a little out of hand. I must warn you, I don't want any hate mail. It's not that I'm scared or something. Believe me, I've had the experience. With this one, I'm just having a little fun. Don't like it? I don't care. I've pretty much stopped writing as of now, so this is just a little fun. I'm only really posting this because I got a really good review on the first IM fanfic, and she said I should write more but with story lines. If you are reading this, you know who you are. And I thank you. Now, if there is anything in particular you had wanted me to write about here, let me know. I'm pulling stuff out of the air here, so I don't even know if it's funny. I've got a twisted sense of humor, so it's funny to me. And this is pretty much the same humor as the first, so if you liked that, you might like this. No promises, just letting you know. So uh, go ahead and read? I don't know. Either way, have at it. And good luck.

-dsmldejection

**As a reminder:**

**bella- notaklutz**

**edward- masochisticlion**

**alice- inoyurfuture**

**jasper- empath01**

**jacob- packleader**

**mike- retrieverman**

**emmett- yesuR**

* * *

**... Edward VS Jacob - VERBAL ...**

_**notaklutz has signed on**_

_**masochisticlion has signed on**_

_**packleader has signed on**_

**notaklutz: **hey guys

**masochisticlion: **hello love, _pup_

**packleader: **hi bella!, _leech_

**notaklutz: **would you two stop fighting? you're giving me a headache

**packleader: **right, so why are we talking on here, bella? i mean, you're at my house. in my room. on my bed.

**masochisticlion: **although i hate to agree, why are you guys on? not that i object. ill take any chance to talk to you, bella... did you say she's on your bed??

**packleader: **stop being all mushy, and yes she is. snuggled up to ME!

**masochisticlion: **thats none of your business, dog. and move away from my fiance!

**notaklutz: **... -notices position and scoots away- ...

**packleader: **its my business when i have to listen to it! ... fiance!? -puppy dog eyes- (no pun intended)

**masochisticlion: **yeah well why don't you just-

**notaklutz: **SHUT UP! and jake, control yourself. i cant type straight when you're shaking the bed like that

**masochisticlion: **thank you love... though im not sure how you interrupted me on an instant messenger...

**notaklutz: **i was actually talking to both of you. your fighting is annoying. id rather subject myself to-

_**inoyurfuture has signed on**_

**inoyurfuture: **you were about to say shopping with alice. i know it. where should we go? i know this cute little shop in seattle they have a dress there that will look beautifully on you...

**notaklutz: **um... i wasnt going to say THAT! hah um... i was going to say... umm... HELP ME OUT GUYS!

**packleader: **kissing that leech

**masochisticlion: **more than 48 hours with a foul smelling dog

**packleader: **i do not smell! and she loves spending time with me!

**masochisticlion: **she actually likes kissing me! versus kissing you, bleh

**notaklutz: **you're both right, now shut the hell up

**masochisticlion and inoyurfuture in cyberharmony: **language, bella

**packleader: **thats my girl : )

**masochisticlion: **dog

**packleader: **leech

**masochisticlion: **pup

**packleader: **blood sucker

**inoyurfuture: **-zones out on nothing-

**masochisticlion: **-waits-

**notaklutz: **-waits-

**packleader: **-lost- hu?

**inoyurfuture: **edward, don't even consider that, although it would be hilarious -evil smile-

**packleader: **hu?

**notaklutz: **get used to it, hun. you only hear half the conversation with these two

**packleader: **-gushes- she called me hun! -girly scream-

**notaklutz: **umm... yeah, edward what time is it?

**masochisticlion: **eight, why?

**notaklutz: **i think i should get going... -cough- jake -cough cough- trying -cough- kiss...

**masochisticlion: **ooo okay, well ill meet you at the boundary in 10 minutes

**notaklutz: **make it 5

_**notaklutz has signed off**_

_**masochisticlion has signed off**_

**packleader: **whered she go... whered they go??

**inoyurfuture: **...

**packleader: **leech

**inoyurfuture: **dog

_**inoyurfuture has signed off**_

_**packleader has signed off**_

_**retrieverman has signed on**_

**retrieverman: **bella, my love! i have come to you to express my eternal love for you**!**

**retrieverman: **b-bella? BELLA!!** (get it, get it? STELLA! no, nothing? ugh, out of your era)**

_**retrieverman has signed off**_

_**yesuR has signed on**_

**yesuR: **hey! i finally figured out how to work this thing! look at my screen name! get it? its...** (see chapter one for actual description of Emmett's s/n)**

**yesuR: **guys?

**yesuR: **dammit! why am i always on when no one else is??

__

**yesuR has signed off**

**A/N: **Like I said, it might have gotten out of hand. I hope you kinda liked it. I've got no clue what to say so, what ever. And if you're wondering, it may be a while 'til I actually bring Emmett in there. Right now, it's just too damn funny watching him miss them every time. Yes I know, Emmett isn't really a dumb-ass. But I like this. So I'm going to go with it. Like I said, I'd prefer no hate mail. But, I doubt anyone will listen to that, so what ever. Oh, right... so the last few chapters, I've been all, prolly no more from me! Yeah, well it's the same scenario from last chapter... I'm looking through old files, and I find something like this, make a few changes, and WHAM, new chapter. I know for sure there'll be another chapter after this... after that, no clue...

Thanks,

-dsmldejection


	5. Chapter 4

**... Edward VS Jacob- SEMI-PHYSICAL ...**

**bella- notaklutz**

**edward- masochisticlion**

**alice- inoyurfuture**

**jasper- empath01**

**jacob- packleader**

**mike- retrieverman**

**emmett- yesuR**

_**notaklutz has signed on**_

_**masochisticlion has signed on**_

_**inoyurfuture has signed on**_

_**packleader has signed on**_

**packleader: **ok im completely lost

**notaklutz: **same here. you guys got a method to the madness, or are you just annoying us on purpose?

**inoyurfuture: **-exasperated sigh- bella, you know theres a reason to this. why would i gather us on the beach in sub-zero temperatures for no reason?

**masochisticlion: **dont look at me bella, shes singing bingo was his name-oh in her head in 14 languages. whatever it is, shes obsessed with keeping secret

**notaklutz: **wow okay i dont like this, cant i go home alice? you could barbie me! -cringes-

**inoyurfuture: **dont be like that bella. you know whatever i have planned is going to be great. and we can play barbie afterward if youre so eager...

**notaklutz: **-dramatic shiver-

**masochisticlion:** i'll make you warm...

**packleader: **aw come on, man. didnt you see the dramatic in that, edward? shes not really cold. and its not like youd help. -scoots closer- i on the other hand...

**masochisticlion: **-whap!- i do not need a reason to snuggle with my FIANCE! and get your hands away from her. youll make her stink too

**packleader: **owwww! -in six year old voice- you hit meee! that huuuuurrrt! -thinks- fiance?! -tearing puppy dog eyes- **(still with the pun people...)**

**(...later...)**

**packleader: **-whap!-

**masochisticlion: **w-t-f man! **(check your sources and get the joke)** what was that for? -rubs hand, sniffs it and retreats from hand noticing stench-

**packleader: **you hit me first. -sticks tongue out-

**notaklutz- **thats it! alice, why am i sitting here with these psycho people -points thumb to vampire and werewolf fighting like three year olds with small slaps hitting nothing but air in the backround, stupidly ignoring their inhuman powers and just being plain idiots- if you don't tell me what's going on, a swear to god...!

**inoyurfuture:** shut up and look!

**-ALICE POINTS TO CLIFF WHERE LA PUSH PACK CLIFF DIVES-**

**-BELLA, EDWARD, JACOB, AND ALICE STARE IN COMICAL AWE AS SAM RUNS FROM THE EDGE AND JUMPS...-**

**-JAKE WAVES LIKE AN IDIOT-**

**masochisticlion: **alice... i must say, watching that idiot cliff dive isn't worth-

**inoyurfuture: **i said, SHUT UT AND WATCH!

**masochisticlion: -**exasperated sigh-

**-THEY ALL LOOK AGAIN, IN PERFECT TIME FOR SAM TO HIT THE WATER IN THE MOST PAINFUL LOOKING BELLY-FLOP IMAGINABLE-**

**packleader: **SAAAAAAM! NOOOOO!

**packleader:** -runs after sam-

_**packleader has logged off**_

**inoyurfuture: **-snickers- told you it was worth it...

_**inoyurfuture has logged off**_

**masochisticlion: **you have to admit, it was hilarious...

**notaklutz: **-hisses- lets go! jesus... stupid supernatural retards...

_**masochisticlion has logged off**_

__

**notaklutz has logged off**

A/N: Well then... that was interesting... I've really nothing to say... uhm, if you want to see any arguments, you know Jasper vs. Emmett or anything weird like that, let me know and I'll do my best to write it... I guess I'll keep this story as 'In Progress' seeing as there's a chance there'll be more to come...

Thanks,

-dsmldejection


	6. Chapter 5

* * *

A/N: Hey guys! Another chapter from dsmldejection! I really do love writing these things...

At any rate, I got a suggestion from 'Twilighter forever'. If she'd left me a way to contact her, I would have thanked her in private, but I'll do it here...

Thanks for the suggestion! I really appreciate it, and I'm touched that you took the time to review. Thanks again!

As a reminder:

**bella- notaklutz**

**edward- masochisticlion**

**alice- inoyurfuture**

**jasper- empath01**

**jacob- packleader**

**mike- retrieverman**

**emmett- yesuR**

**esme- motherlylove**

So, this is what she suggested:

-dsmldejection

* * *

**... Esme VS Emmett- VERBAL ...**

_**notaklutz has logged on**_

_**yesuR has logged on**_

**notaklutz: **hey, em. wassup mah brothah?

**yesuR: **shhh... i'm hiding from esme... -covers eyes-

**notaklutz: **oh god, what did you do this time?

**yesuR:** hm... well we were having a water balloon fight, and i ran up the stairs-

**notaklutz:** you were having a balloon fight inside? wtf? with who?

**yesuR:** heh, yeah well about that, that's what esme's mad about... so she wasn't paying attention to me, just moving around her room, and oh yeah... nobody knew we were having a balloon fight. i was going for the element of surprise...

**notaklutz: **you had a balloon fight with people who weren't informed they were part of a balloon fight, all for the element of surprise?

**yesuR:** genius, right?! yeah, so i was going upstairs, looking for jasper of course, and i heard someone move from alice's room to esme's, so i figured it was him...

**notaklutz: **and it wasn't...

**yesuR:** heh, yeah, so i splattered esme with a water balloon, and now she's trying to-

_**motherlylove has logged on**_

**motherlylove:** EMMETT CULLEN!!

**yesuR: **-screams like a girl- she found me! hide me bella!

**motherlylove: **do you know what you did with the throwing of all SEVEN of those water balloons??

**notaklutz: **wait wait wait, emmett said it was only A water balloon, as in ONE...

**yesuR:** heh, yeah well about that... i was in the heat of the war and kinda threw them all at her...

**motherlylove: **and they ruined my carpet, my clothes and my hair, i have to buy all new furniture for my room, AND there's water damage on the ceiling of the ground floor under my room!

**notaklutz: **woah, yeah, emmett, you're on your own...

**yesuR: **nooooooooooooooooo!

_**notaklutz has logged off**_

**yesuR: **damn you bella!!

**motherlylove: **come here, you!

_**motherlylove has logged off**_

_**yesuR has died**_

A/N: Right, well I might have had a bit too much fun with that one... I hope you guys found it funny. I would do a semi-physical fight between the two, but I have no clue how it would go... I mean, Edward and Jake were stupid enough to just swat the air between each other, but Esme is mad enough here to maybe actually kill Emmett, so I wouldn't risk Emmett's life like that...

I'm not that cruel...

But give me a few days, it might happen... XD

At any rate... Twilighter forever, is this what you had in mind? I hope so... anyway, it totally rocked to get a suggestion and then be able to write that, so keep em coming, everybody! It's only 7, so I don't have to get to bed for a while... I could probably do a few more tonight, if you hurry...

Thanks!

-dsmldejection


End file.
